it's been a while since i last cried i drown out the thoughts of suicide with chemicals and lots of pills but i guess its still cheaper than a hospital bill but now i feel so numb and empty i wouldn't care if the world was ending i have goals and pacific coast dreams i also have low self esteem socrates and the apostles creed and everything else that i've ever believed is it all a sham is it all a lie? i admit i'm afraid to die alone alone i dont want to die alone alone alone i dont want to die on my own i just wanna tour around the world and matter the most to just one girl but i dont think that i ever will everything moves fast but i stand still now i am so numb and empty i wouldn't care if the world was ending i've got problems with no remedies i've also got self destructive tendencies im a fucking loser and i dont talk to girls and i've never had a teenage romance unfurl i listen to the beach boys in the darkness of my room and i make my own music in the hopes of getting you with me with me in holy matrimony with me with me i am so lonely

i like the radio and the tv screens and everything in between i like the sound of music and melodies and the chemicals inside of me theres poison in the water and shit in the air its killing me slowly but i dont even care the color in my life is starting to turn gray but i'll deal with it everyday and the world is run on money and greed and they dont want to see you succeed but i live in a constant state of fear and apathy so whats that really got to do with me i dont really care at all we're disgusting animals its all just pointless talk if we were all dead we'd better off get your hands in the mud make sure that you spill some blood fuck the population and fuck the earth everyday just gets worse yeah yeah yeah i hate it here i hate it all the time yeah yeah yeah i cant believe that this is really my life yeah yeah yeah where did it start where did it start to decline yeah yeah yeah im not suicidal but i really want to die the world never cared about me so i dont owe it anything i know that at any time i can choose to leave but i just want to be happy i dont really care at all we're some fucking animals its all just pointless talk if we were all dead we'd better off get your hands in the mud make sure that you spill some blood fuck the population and fuck the earth everyday just gets worse

im sorry that im not the best you think i could be i know you expected so much more from me im sorry that i couldnt do anything to make you proud now its too late because you're no longer around i dont want to feel like i disappointed you so please tell me is there anything that i can do and i dont know exactly when i'll grow up but i'll do my best and i hope that's enough i wanna run away i wanna get out i gotta leave today i wanna leave now the pressure under the weather what will it take for me to feel better i do everything that should make me feel right why do i wake up every day and still hate my fucking life i cant believe it that i even made it this far i look at the night sky but i cant see any stars i wake up by myself in a bed built for two i slept in too long check the time and its already noon will i do anything worthwhile today never let them tell you that we all are the same i know its not right to be awake this late but i prefer the night i dont really like the day and i wish it was the other way around im an empty shell im lost but not yet found i hate that i know theres more to life than this because im so afraid to leave from my abyss im under pressure under the weather what will it take for me to feel better theres things that i wanna do that i will never see goals that i have set but wont ever achieve my heads in the air and my feet are on the ground my brain is fucked up and my eyes are spinning round im not sure if i'll be fine i am afraid to die when does it get better i dont know i dont really talk at all i wont answer when you call i think im just gonna go back home

often i find myself stuck somewhere i dont want to be im starting to think that theres something really wrong with me i dont really go out much i mostly stay at home but if i dont go out sometime soon i'll probably die alone i must confess i am oh so afraid times running out and i think its far too late im looking for a girl that was never even born the death of a fantasy that is far too pitiful to mourn i never cared about politics and the bullshit of it all i dont care about anything my opinion is just too small i've walked around the entire world and i would do it twice im still looking for something thats missing from my life and i dont even know what im looking for and i ask myself why i feel so sad all the time but i can rarely cry i know i have to love myself before someone else loves me believe me ive been really trying but its just not that easy i just wish that i had a normal brain without the constant anxiety that drives me insane maybe one day i will end up just fine and i will no longer feel so dead inside now i know that i dont have to be afraid and now i know it's not too late its gonna be okay i cannot wait for when you are here with me when i can finally feel completely at ease

where are you going where have you been what have you done now how have you sinned flowers will grow when the rain starts to fall over your head to a hundred feet tall do you want to study abroad do you want to see your god there is a graveyard just for the cops dont you want the pain to stop i didnt come here to start a fight im dancing all alone tonight where do we go when the horses run free and whats that mean for you and me when we die i hope we'll be fine when we die i hope we'll be alright dont meet your heroes they dont care about you theyre all assholes and thats the truth i cant feel my face im going through a phase i hate everything i do i hate everything ive done i hate when tragedy strikes out of the blue and i hate everyone i wanna move to LA i wanna have a good time i want to go insane i wanna lose my fucking mind i dont ever want to think again i never wanna think twice if i could stay young and dumb wouldn't it be nice when we die i hope we'll be fine when we die i hope we'll be alright what will you do shes not here anymore would you have said the things you did not say before